Where Ive been the past year

[MaxImpactGaming]

Hello everyone, its been a while since ive been active within the group and I wanted to take the time to explain myself. Firstly I want to say that I really wanted to go to HCS Seattle this year but it just wasnt financially feasible for me. Next topic is to give a little back story that plays a part later on in this thread. So without further ado, let me begin.

I worked for a company for almost 10 years and had spent my entire adult life working for them. When I had first started for them, I was fresh out of high-school and had no real knowledge on life and how to live it. This company welcomed me in and at the time treated me like family and really valued the quality of the products we produced as well as rewarded us employees for that same value. This company has since been through 3 mergers, and I have been with them through all of them. Each acquisition caused change in the company, both from a quality standpoint to the values they cared about.

By the time the 3rd merger has happened, there is nothing left of the original company beyond the name, and the changes brought about have for me created alot of untouched anger and resentment at the company for lowering their standards in order to make a buck and treating the employees as an expenditure instead of an asset. So lets skip forward here to the end of 2023. My great-grandmother passed away and I had no real way of expressing my feelings as I had no real support system in place. Work had just become that, and I hated going in everyday because I felt more like a prisoner than an employee. Around this time, I began to lash out at work and let alot of my anger and frustrations known to those around me, and it began to hurt my relationship with my co-workers and those in managerial positions hire than me. Skip forward to last year, and I had a family member as well as a really close friend end their lives less than 2 weeks apart, and that was really hard for me to handle.

It really began to affect my mental health despite my efforts to hide it and keep a public face. I never spoke to anyone about this, and it began to bottle up with the rest of the resentment and anger towards my employer and those who managed it. Things eventually took a turn and I ended up leaving this company in late august, as it had began to affect me so badly I dreamed about it everyday and could no longer get any respite from it at home. This was really a rough time for me to get through, not just financially but mentally as I now had to deal the consequences of no longer having an income but also the resentment and regret that I just wasted 10 years of my life to a company for nothing. I began to uber and do odd and end jobs for awhile to make ends meet.

I eventually was fortunate enough to get a chance to work for a blue collar company just 4 miles from home, where I had previously traveled 20 miles one way. The benefits are the best ive ever had, despite not taking home as much as I used to. This obviously has been my biggest issue for not being able to go to cons with the group. The other part has been I have been taking a hiatus as I have had a lot to deal with and havent really had the time or energy to partake in 405th activities including in the discord, and I felt I owed everyone an explanation as to why.

Now onto this year, where in late January my father died from mental health and substance abused related issues. This was especially hard for me, as not only did I lose my dad but the last time I had spoken to him was 6 months prior where I had excommunicated him because of his decisions. I felt and still feel guilty that I could have done something that may have changed the outcome, instead of giving up on him when he needed me most. Henceforth, I have since joined a volunteer fire department, because I wasnt able to help/save him, but I can now help others who are in need. I am currently going through training for the next 18 weeks to get my national and state certifications, and I am already a registered Emergency Medical Responder for my state. I have been with this department since april, and it has been nothing short of an amazing and life altering decision.

Thank you to everyone who reads this and I really hope everyone can understand my struggles and where Ive been the last year+ within the org. ​

 

[N8TEBB]

Wow you've been though so much this past little bit. We're glad to have you back on the forums! Best of luck in your new job and firefighting training!